Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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