Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
