omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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