if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
