I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
