Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
