so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
