What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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