I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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