I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
