I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
