I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
