it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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