I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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