Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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