I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
