Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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