i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
