it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
