omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
