I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
