My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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