sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
