marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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