Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
