it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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