I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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