Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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