Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
