I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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