At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
