you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
