I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
