textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
