why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
