i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
