I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
