I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
