Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one

(347): View more from New York

Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...

(802): View more from Vermont

do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.

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(347): Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one (347): Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy... (802): do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy. http://tfl.nu/wg4e

Replies (43) Good night (3155) Bad night (907)
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(407): View more from Florida

I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"

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(407): I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt" http://tfl.nu/48bw

Replies (14) Good night (3237) Bad night (897)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"

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(814): I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?" http://tfl.nu/fmqf

Replies (57) Good night (887) Bad night (3974)
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(850): View more from Florida

Please dont jizz on my ds screen.

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(850): Please dont jizz on my ds screen. http://tfl.nu/cm8h

Replies (18) Good night (798) Bad night (5062)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

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(314): I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmod

Replies (23) Good night (4875) Bad night (878)
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(718): View more from New York

We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.

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(718): We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate. http://tfl.nu/1mwi

Replies (14) Good night (1218) Bad night (4600)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...

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(814): I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up... http://tfl.nu/nkqy

Replies (13) Good night (2916) Bad night (2556)
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(217): View more from Illinois

I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?

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(217): I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high? http://tfl.nu/4i2m

Replies (23) Good night (2759) Bad night (642)
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(207): View more from Maine

Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????

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(207): Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport???? http://tfl.nu/yffg

Replies (11) Good night (859) Bad night (3276)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry

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(785): Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry http://tfl.nu/dsfb

Replies (7) Good night (541) Bad night (1248)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.

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(864): If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/qg7h

Replies (11) Good night (2418) Bad night (874)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.

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(413): He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring. http://tfl.nu/ghx4

Replies (10) Good night (1547) Bad night (867)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.

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(231): Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program. http://tfl.nu/4exh

Replies (4) Good night (1101) Bad night (405)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.

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(303): Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place. http://tfl.nu/duki

Replies (8) Good night (360) Bad night (1103)
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(734): View more from Michigan

There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option

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(734): There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option http://tfl.nu/svkl

Replies (4) Good night (738) Bad night (311)

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