Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back