Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
