That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Are we still banned from the library?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina