I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
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well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
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Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME