I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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