Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  if i can run in heels then i can drive

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  (303): if i can run in heels then i can drive http://tfl.nu/rtwg
  Replies (11) Good night (1400) Bad night (586)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?

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  (248): I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape? http://tfl.nu/ekyk
  Replies (32) Good night (698) Bad night (4666)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!

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  (651): Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST! http://tfl.nu/a9dw
  Replies (14) Good night (580) Bad night (2736)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible

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  (919): They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible http://tfl.nu/xaoi
  Replies (7) Good night (4084) Bad night (1172)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.

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  (720): You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset. http://tfl.nu/s72o
  Replies (7) Good night (4054) Bad night (1135)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.

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  (506): No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park. http://tfl.nu/t1o0
  Replies (7) Good night (901) Bad night (2397)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...

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  (317): you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party... http://tfl.nu/sqle
  Replies (22) Good night (8386) Bad night (1679)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride

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  (973): Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride http://tfl.nu/vufa
  Replies (23) Good night (5347) Bad night (1457)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel

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  (201): I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel http://tfl.nu/tjoe
  Replies (8) Good night (2899) Bad night (1036)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...

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  (780): Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it... http://tfl.nu/howp
  Replies (10) Good night (3000) Bad night (751)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.

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  (423): I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you. http://tfl.nu/8fht
  Replies (6) Good night (950) Bad night (926)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.

  (1-807): View more from Ontario

  I don't see the problem

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  (807): My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive. (1-807): I don't see the problem http://tfl.nu/s96d
  Replies (5) Good night (1750) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night

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  (662): Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night http://tfl.nu/qcv1
  Replies (1) Good night (452) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"

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  (978): I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it" (978): or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored" http://tfl.nu/zr7x
  Replies (3) Good night (897) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.

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  (443): I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up. http://tfl.nu/vhgn
  Replies (1) Good night (838) Bad night (310)

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