I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
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The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
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Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.