I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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