she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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