it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
