Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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