I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
