I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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