John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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