dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
