By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
