Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's a Shit stain on my heart
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
