Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
