Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
