11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Be still, my beating vagina.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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