Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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