didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
