brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
