Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
