i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
