he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
