She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
