theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
