I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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