I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
