I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
