I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
