The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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