Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
