You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
