My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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