I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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