she was so not down for the gang bang
I could make wine with my vomit
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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