Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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