well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
