Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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