There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
