Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
