I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
