At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize