Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
